12 Days of Pixy Christmas

I promised some of you readers to finish the pixy-modified carol, The 12 Days of Pixy Christmas, that I started in White Witch, Black Curse, so here it is in its entirety, just in time for your caroling parties.  Uh, I wouldn’t advice singing it, though.  It loses much of its charm when you’re not four inches tall.  -grin-  Enjoy!

On the 12 day of Christmas, my true love gave to me . . .
12 Humans Hiding,
11 Tinks a Tinkling
10 Porno flicks
 9 Pole Dancers
8 Pixies Partying
7 Karma Sutras
6 Fairies Farting
5 Trolls in Drag
4 Purple Condoms
3 French Ticklers
2 Horny Vamps
And a Sucubus in the Snow
 
–Kim Harrison  Dec 15, 2009

Jeez, I feel so dirty . . .  -grin-

68 Comments

Filed under Drama Box

68 responses to “12 Days of Pixy Christmas

  1. Guys, you have totally overwhelmed me with your response to the poem. (grin) Thank you. I had fun putting it together, and yes, I do believe I was channeling Jenks that day. (laugh)

    –Kim

  2. mudepoz

    Share a hug with ‘Guy’. I think you mentioned you helped package? My holiday gifts arrived with perfect timing. Covers all the major holidays. Even better, they are aseptically packaged to prevent dog hair cross contamination! Thank you both!
    (This may be the first time I am giving anyone a non dog related, non covered in dog fur present😉 Oh wait. My friend has one of my bups….

    And of course, this thought for Jade. Apparently being a pixie is very hazardous. Few appear to make it into adulthood, like bunny. It would have to be in the genes to be horny or the world would be lacking pixie dust.

    *Mud is returning to reality now. Then looks at the picture of 6 month old Pixie buppie and knows she always was firmly grounded*

  3. Frotee

    Finally the fulll text🙂
    It’s just so…Jenks. Lovely😄

  4. Pingback: Daily Digest for December 16th | Lunar Meadows

  5. Jade/Third Coast

    Don’t feel dirty. Pixie’s can’t help it if they are horny, it is evidently is in their DNA or lifestyle, or something! Jenks is so proud his wings are leaving pixie dust everywhere (cough! cough!). Aren’t you congested?

    Christmas morning Jenks and his brood may wake you and Guy up to this lovely new version of the Twelve Days of Christmas. What a treat!

  6. Brian K. Lewis

    5 Trolls In drag. I can’t seem to get that visual out of my head now. Thanks Kim!

  7. Tracy

    OMG …. absolutely love it. You’ve got to do a recording of this and send it out as a freebie or something. Can’t stop grinning … is it okay if I print it out and share with friends?

  8. Renee

    While we’re on the subject of Jenk’s slightly twisted sense of humor, any chance of getting that whole joke from For A Few Demons More? Why was the pixie talking to the druggist about taxes?

    But concerning the song… sounds like a Saturday night gone extremely wrong or that one time in college when you just should have said no. Simply, best carol ever. I’ll be sure to sing it under my breath tomorrow in exams.

  9. marcia

    LOL very cute. Thought you might like to know that there was a big Kim Harrison’s Book display at the book store in my mall!

  10. jeremy, ca

    sucubus in the snow. lolz

  11. Dianne Hemming-Harrison

    Thanks for making a dull day better…* snickers at images now burned into my brain**
    Merry Christmas!

  12. Miranda

    Thank you soooo much! This makes my holiday. now to get everyone to sing it at my x-mass party this weekend. *evil grin* If you feel dirty writing it I dont know what ill be singing it🙂 Im gonna post it to my facebook. ill make sure to leave credit. this one needs to get out there! ROFLMAS!!

  13. Haha, that was HILARIOUS! Oh Jenks…what would we do without him?

  14. Shannon

    OMG! I really needed that today! Thank you!

  15. Chelikins

    That was fun! Thanks Kim.😉

  16. Bob J

    Dear Kim,

    I love it. I always have a problem remembering that things like that comes from you. For Jink it is soft. For you, it proves that you are a handful.

    Best Regards

    Bob J.

  17. Megan

    Well done! I had been wondering if you’d planned on finishing it! Hooray that you did!

  18. Glenda

    Thats just great! I sent a book in to have it signed for my sister, do you think it might make it back before the holidays?

  19. Scott S, Clovis CA

    Channeling your inner Jenks, I see. Next Jenks will be revisiting “Grandma got run over by a reindeer”!
    Merry Christmas to you and yours and have a happy new year.

  20. Laura

    Absolutely wonderful! That made my day.🙂

    Happy Holidays!

  21. Phil

    Happy caroling, Kim and everybody… I can see why Rachel never lets Jenks finish it, my girlfriend blushed, too, when i showed it to her, and she doesn’t blush easily, lol.

    Next Christmas, can we have an excerpt from the Vampire Dating Guide?😉

  22. Why do I have a sinking feeling that Jenks would ADORE Axel the Sot? http://www.chivalry.com/axel/songs_to_sing_when_you're_drunk.html
    Particularly “No Balls at All.” Yes, Jenks probably wrote “No Balls At All.”

  23. Yuki/Kristin

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….*deep breath*…..HAHAHAHAHAHAH…oh my side >.< Thats comedy!

  24. Dude, lol. I feel dirty too just reading that, lol.
    Hmm. What would I want?
    I’d go for number… 2, lol. (but then who wouldn’t?).

    Hello Ms. Harrison.🙂

    I did my fair share of waiting in snow this december when I was trapped on Gatwick Airport London during those few days of heavy snowfall in the UK. Somehow, lol, it lost it’s novelty then. Espesually when they cancled my bus (after dumping me in bloody Glouster when I wanted to be in Ludlow…). but, with temperatures in high summer atm here I wouldn’t mind some snow.😉
    For the record, I’m finally reading WWBC. I didn’t find it when I had set out to find it, but my feet took me to a second hand book store where I found a copy of Dates from Hell. I just finished your short story and it’s brilliant. I love Ivy, I think she’s a terribly complex character that can easily drag you down with her if you let her. The scene with her and Mia in the office… Brilliant.🙂 Thank you. Sometimes, it’s good to be able to say: “I like who I am today.”

    Have a great day!
    Alyss

  25. Jenn

    Wow, Kim! Did you wake up channelling Jenks this morning? That is too funny! I think that you should sing it in Jenks’ voice then record it & put it up on the site (grin)!!!
    That just made my day.
    Oh ya, I’m going to throw a snowball at you too! Bring on the war!!!

    • Jenn

      I just had a thought…it may already be in a book & I’ve forgotten it, but Ren C. put the vamp dance club back in anywhere? If I remember correctly, he change the old one so that it’s now part of his house (trying not to give too much away).
      Just curious.

    • Hi, Jenn. No, the club is gone, right down to the kitchen.

  26. Susan K

    LOL…very cute! I can just picture Jenks singing it prancing around the kitchen table in their kitchen.

  27. Scott M

    That was funny Kim!! Still hard to picture Hollows at Christmas, halloween is easy, but CHristmas ia hard

  28. Kylie Ru

    Now we know why Rache always stops him! Yeah, I dun think I’ll be singin’ that one out loud. At least not while there are people around. Have fun, Kim-san! Today is my last final. Calculus II.

  29. Mark W

    Hahahaha, awesome! Been waiting for these lyrics!😀

  30. Antonio Rich

    Somehow I’m thinking Guy might be getting a co-author credit on this one? Or, at least a consultant nod. Jeez Louweeze! French Ticklers!?

  31. lody

    Aha def awesome! I was curious how the rest of it went! have a good dayyy

  32. Stephenie

    Zomg… Even my friends who don’t read the hollows will love that… We’re SO singing that for my friends christmas/birthday party. Forget happy birthday lol

  33. Juliet

    I take the sukkubus…my dreams are kinda boring the last weeks😎

  34. suzannelazear

    LOL, I love it–and I won’t teach it to the tot. Tonight is their Christmas performance, lol.

    From the tot files: the other night she was playing with her dolls and I over heard this…
    Doll 1: I’m from another world
    Doll 2: Really? Where?
    Doll 1: Wisconson.

    Have a great day!

    ~Suzi and the tot

  35. mudepoz

    It’s a good my job is sooo cool. I just sang it. I just sang it and 10 students crack up and a colleague rolling.

    Oh. nevermind, apparently it was my singing. (OK, both) Biologists are voyeurs, the microbiologists study weewees, and the macrobiologists…study innate courtship and mating behaviors.

    Said colleague, BTW, bouth me The VAMPIRE Seduction Handbook. ‘A Guide to the Ultimate Romantic Adventure’

    When my blog linked to your blog (it apparently uses the website and added it) the cat was out of the bag.) Great.

    Have I mentioned lately that I love your mind?

    • mudepoz

      Typo: BOUGHT

    • mudepoz

      Hm. Kim, I THINK you may have been the inspiration for this book. It is laid out in what your readers would find familiar, and published this year. It looks fun.

    • Jenn

      Hi Mud, where did your colleague get the Handbook? Who is it written by? Sounds like fun!

    • She bought it at our new Community Bookstore near here on the East Side. It’s written by a vampire, Luc Richard Ballion, with Scott Bowen. It DOESN’T appear to have some of the kinkier stuff that made Rachel blush, and has chapters on marrying your vampire, something about dead people don’t make more blood. Hm. Hold on. It does have some interesting things in it. I am nearly certain Kim inspired this., however, as with the whistle, great minds think alike. Darwin and Wallace BOTH came up with Natural Selection at about the same time (it was actually something Darwin’s granddad came up with. Anyhow: Scott Bowen also wrote another book: “The Vampire Survival Guide’.

    • Sabrina

      Now, that really sounds like fun. Ordered it. Thanks for sharing, Mud!

    • Jenn

      Thanks Mud,

      I’m going to hit my local bookstore & check them out!

  36. Andrew Matner

    lol love it. Better than the human version, but only for adult carol singers to attempt on the door-step : )

  37. Chrisy

    You feel dirty? I feel for you…
    No seriously Mrs H you shocked me today. In every positive way.
    Ha! Here it’s snowing already. It’s freazing! I’m freazing.. I didn’t believe there could be any snow this year. Thanks to global warming. What do you think about that? I’m curious.
    Best regards *throws with snowball*
    – Chrisy

  38. becca

    oh kim
    you have put a smile on my face and a warm and fuzzy in my…..heart!!;-)
    your the best thanks for getting that done for us.

    are you on santa’s good or bad list??with this song in mind i betting naughty!!lol
    whats on the top of your wish list and is ‘guy’running around like a headless chicken to get it you??
    saw the cover for bms..looking good hunn
    question….
    i know your titles are clint films but are you sticking with that till the end or??and are they only the spagetti western ones??
    fingers crossed for snow for you(and me hehe)
    becca and co uk
    xxxx

    • becca

      wooooooohooooooooooo……..
      just got my BMS key through the post,wow its amazing(heavy and top notch quality)!!truly out did yourselves this time,great job,gonna put it on my keys now!!
      your the best!!
      hugs and well wishes to you and yours!!!!!!! tell ‘guy’ top marks for getting it here before xmas big smooch to him(coz i didnt get him a gift and he works hard behind the scenes)
      becca and co uk
      xxx

    • Hi, Becca. We’re sticking with the Clint Eastwood themes, even the movies outside the westerns.

  39. Sabrina

    I’d go for 2 horny vamps, 4 purple condoms and 9 pole dancers :-D! Although 5 trolls in drag should be fun, too…

  40. gothar

    I’m trying so hard to avoid laughing out loud since it would hurt my sore throat. Bravo! It certain wouldn’t go over well at the office party🙂

    I’m sure it would be something along the lines of ‘excuse me sir, you are making a scene. Please follow us.

    • gothar

      14″ of snow so far this month. I heard from a buddy in Aussieland that he’s turning on his A/C right now.

  41. hooorayy!!! *rofl* thanks you blew my lecture! xD

  42. Marsha

    Good lord! What did you add to your tea, and may I have some please?